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MJ FITZPATRICK teaches a process on how to become your best self, which can only ever happen when you become your true self. Find me @ mj@mjfitzpatrick.com

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AUSTRALIA SQUARE NSW 1215​

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Breakdown 4: Getting Unstuck

April 25, 2017

Welcome to Breakdown 4. BD is where I give away how to learn a coach's secret secret sauce: how to dissect a person's problem so you can give them the solution. Think of it a little bit like making an ice cream cake - I don't just show you the final cake but the recipe and mechanism that got me there. 

 

Learn to copy my coaching skill and you're learning how to coach yourself.

 

If you'd like to have a problem of yours BD'd please feel free to just hit reply and let me know. It's always a delight to do one of these and help one of you. 

 

BD posts can get quite (very) long, so if you want to skip the reasoning and just get the answer then scroll past all the words until you reach the solution photo, which evidently has the solution under it.

 

Estimated full reading time: 18 minutes

Estimated reading time of just solution: 7 minutes

 

Before we get into my breakdown today, go back and read the email again and start to think what you would say to BD4 if you were tasked with helping them. What do they need to focus on? What does their language teach you about their blueprint? Make a mental note to see what you would say and then you can compare it to my BD below. 

The Breakdown

 

Firstly - I'm stoked that BD4 has written so much for me. The more you write or talk when you send me something, the more data I have to understand you, which allows me to give a better answer. 3 paragraphs is a lot and today's BD will be very in-depth as we can build a pretty detailed picture of BD4 and their mental model of the world.  

 

We will go deep into the language of this problem to understand why BD4 is stuck and then outline some metaphors that make our answer easily digestible to maximise action on BD4's end (Remember: the easier the solution sounds the more likely you'll actually do it.) 

 

So let's dig in. 


Language: Our brain is a living computer with different programs and rules installed on it over time. Our 'problems' are always a rule or program that is disempowering us in our subconscious. For us to be effective at understanding people we need ways to find those rules and programs. This is where language comes in. 

 

Language is our tool for communicating with ourselves and the world. It's also usually on automatic - we are not actually consciously choosing our words, they are coming from our subconscious. This means if you can pay attention well enough: the subconscious decisions a person makes in how they go about describing their world will reveal the rules and programs they are using. 

 

The easiest example of this is if someone is talking in reference to being the victim or taking ownership of their problems. The subconscious decision to be a victim will show up in how they tell their story. And that 'how' is the words and phrases they use. 

 

The first place to understanding someone is understanding how they described their problem and then making educated assumptions as to why they did that the way they did. 

 

BD4's language tells me this about their programs/rules:

 

1) BD4 sees success as needing to have the right resources and right tactic. Twice in their email BD4 mentions not having access to resources as the reason they believe that they are stuck. In the first paragraph BD4 even goes so far as to tell me they don't want to blame the lack of resources but then immediately goes and blames a lack of a resources. 

 

If I gave BD4 access to all the finance and devices that they think they need do you think they would suddenly revolutionise their approach to life and become a master of execution? The answer is no. Their execution would probably get better, but they would still be facing massive mindset and commitment problems. 

 

As I've said before - in 99% of the cases that someone believes it's a lack of resources or tactics, it's actually a case of a lack of commitment and an obsessive mindset that won't take no for an answer. Remember we all need our PHD to create anything successful in the world: pig headed determination. 

 

The other thing that I find very curious under this point is BD4 talking about how hard it is for foreign students to get work in their country. Now I don't know for sure - but I wonder if that's actually a LAW dictating that in their country or if it's just harder for foreign students to get work. 

 

2) BD4 is a dreamer and lacks practicality/execution

This might be obvious to some people, but BD4 has their head in the clouds and is coming up with ideas with no real intention on actually executing on them... they are ideas for the sake of ideas. A lot of people we know do this: they talk about their new business ideas, that awesome app they could start, the new job they will go for - and then they never take even a single step towards actually creating that reality. 

 

Did you know that just discussing a goal or idea you have socially will actually trigger a reward mechanism in your brain? Meaning that just talking about your goals or ideas to a group of friends will make you feel like you've actually done something worthwhile. This tricks us into thinking we are making progress when in fact we are doing nothing and allows us to continue living in a fantasy land full of our own progress. 

 

In their 3rd paragraph BD lists nine different business ideas/industries that they want to create something in. Each of those nine different ideas would take years of execution, commitment, overcoming rejection and PHD to bring them into the world. The fact that BD4 can confidently list of all of these different areas that they want to work in speak to their lack of practicality and experience creating something like this. 

 

Ideas mean nothing. The greatest idea in the world will never put money on the table or impact the world. The only thing that matters is execution and actually creating the world you want to live in. BD4 needs to pick one idea and work at it for years until it's into the world before they even have a dream of building another idea. 

 

I can speak from personal experience in being in this place, all ideas and no execution. Coming up with a good idea takes a few seconds. Turning that idea into something in the real world takes years. BD4 needs to have an uncomfortable conversation with themselves around their current execution ethic and how they can get better at building things. 

 

I want to be very clear - ambition is everything. I don't want BD4 to tone down the scale of their ideas, but to focus and scale up their action taking to match their ideas. Audacious plans require an audacious work ethic. This is what BD4 needs to focus on growing in. 

 

3) BD4's real challenge is a lack of belief and overanalysis. 

There are a few different things BD4 has said that lead me to this conclusion. The first is that BD4 says that they have a vision and mission yet don't do anything. There are a few reasons why this would be the case, but the simplest one and therefore the most likely is that they don't believe that they can actually accomplish their vision and mission. You're not going to start on something if you don't believe it's possible. 

 

The second is that BD does not have a growth mindset. You can learn about a growth mindset here, but BD talks about being born with certain talents, rather than talking about the effort placed into building those talents. People who focus on ability rather than effort will not challenge themselves to grow because they believe their talent levels are fixed. 

 

The third is the significance driven language in the second paragraph. Language of significance is anywhere people talk about themselves in a way that ranks them as special in relation to the people around them or other people in the world. This is one of the biggest, most consistent and most important language patterns that you can learn to recognise. Every time it shows up it's blocking a person from growth.  

 

The only reason we EVER dip into significance driven language and behaviour is because we feel insignificant at some level. This more than anything else shows me that BD's real challenge here is their self-doubt. When I combine that takeaway with the fact that they are getting anxious about their future, we can pretty confidently assume that BD4 is overanalysing themselves to the point of paralysis. 

 

Concepts: We need to understand two concepts or metaphors to make sure our solution is as onpoint as possible. It's all dandy to have the greatest breakdown in history, but if you can't communicate that to yourself or another person in a way they understand, it's useless. 

 

Remember, the point of helping someone isn't so that you sound like a badass, the point of helping someone is to help them see themselves in a new way and then take action on that. Helping someone isn't about you, it's about them. So we need to make our solution as simple as possible and that's where concepts and metaphors come in. 

 

Concept One is the Elephant, Rider and Path. If we want to make change, we have to approach it from three different angles.

 

The analogy here is that our life is like a human being sitting on top of an elephant, walking along a path. 

 

The human is our logical mind: The human likes to think it's in charge of the riding and likes to constantly be looking ahead and behind to see what's happening in the world around it. The human doesn't have a great deal of control over the elephant and often gets confused by trying to analyse the situation without realising at a deep level it's not about the human but it's about the elephant. 

 

The elephant is our emotional/subconscious mind: The elephant is really in charge of this situation. If it want's to go somewhere, it basically can't be stopped. The elephant is where all action happens, but it's also scared and very interested in protecting the human. The elephant is also intimately linked with your physical body (ie try feeling an emotion without expressing it on your body.)

 

The path is our environment: Whilst the elephant is in charge and will go where it wants, if the path it's on limits the options then some control can be built around the elephant. In real life if there is only healthy food in your house then you're increasing the chances of eating healthy food no matter how cranky the elephant gets. 

 

Concept Two is The Rocket and it has three stages. The rocket describes the different stages of self-development that you need to go through in relation to success in a business or career path. The three stages need to be mastered to make yourself a productivity and execution machine and each of them requires a unique set of thinking. Use S1 thinking in an S2 problem will actually send you backwards and you'll hurt your progress. 

 

Stage One is our booster: This is the huge fuel stack that gets our rocket from standing still on the ground into space. This stage is about finding and building habits, learning the science of productivity and action taking, and about building momentum at all costs. Stage One is about reproducing the same result again and again and is an analytical and math based approach. This is the stage that BD needs to focus and work on. Here momentum and habits are key. ​

 

Stage Two is our spacecraft: Once the big rocket gets us out into space, it falls away and we are left with a tiny spacecraft to get us all the way to the moon. It's about deeply connecting with your mission, where you are heading, why you are heading there and building a life that enhances that process. Stage One is about building a work ethic, Stage Two is about connecting with yourself so that your life naturally creates work where you can flourish. 

 

Stage Three is our mission selection: Sometimes when you've been in space for a long time you actually reach your destination. Stage Three is the process through which we select. Once you land on the moon, there are an infinite amount of different stars you could reach for next. Stage Three is deciding which one you pick next and how will you now change Stage One and Two to fit that new mission and direction?

 

80% of people's problems when it relates to executing on their dreams are stage one problems. 19% of the left over are stage two and 1% are stage three.

 

The big thing to realise is that once you've built your momentum machine - more analysing will only hurt you and not help you. Learning to recognise when something is a stage one problem vs stage two problem is a game changer.

 

BD4 needs to focus only on stage one until their can sustainably execute on a work ethic each day. Now we may or may not use either of those concepts but they help me segment what style of advice I need to give to the person I'm helping. 

Hey BD4!

 

Thanks so much for the email and for allowing me the honour of helping you through your problem. Writing such an honest email is a big deal, and it's SO easy to be in the position that you're in and not realise that you're stuck and just act like everything is fine. I've spent a lot of time in the past feeling the EXACT same thing that you're currently feeling, so I want you to know that a lot of what I say today is what I wish someone had of told me back when I was feeling stuck the way you do. 

 

Today's answer is going to be in two sections for you. The first are some mindset shifts that you have to make. These are the high end strategy based decisions that we need to make sure are empowering you and giving you the right options, and then I have some tactical answers for you to start making progress today. 

 

Mindset

The first step for you getting unstuck BD4 is for you to make the decision to view every problem in your life as a potential place for you to improve if you can be creative enough. All of these challenges you outline in your paragraph (not having enough money or equipment) are actually just places for you to start getting better as a person. You need to start viewing the world as a place of opportunity for those that are bold and creative enough to find them. 

 

We must never disempower ourselves, and viewing the world through the lens of what you don't have access to rather than what you can create is a sure way to disempower yourself. Instead of focusing on how you might not have the equipment, you could instead focus on the fact that the Internet and a smartphone is all you need in 2017 to start creating something. 

 

The second mindset shift is for you to realise that what looks like a lack of tactics or understanding is almost always actually a lack of self-belief and lack of commitment. Let me give you an example. You say you want to create something that teaches the next generation some real life skills and inventing.  Here are the steps for you. 

 

1) Find a space that you can present in for free or nearly free: you would be able to find youth centers, university classrooms, your own house or friends houses to hold this in. I used to hold seminars in rooms at my University that I knew would be free at particular times because I couldn't afford to rent a room. 

 

2) Find your target market on facebook: Groups is the easiest way to do that. Who do you want to speak to? Find facebook groups with them and add every single person in the group and send them each an email that you're offering a free class on whatever it is you want to teach. Some of them will say yes and you now have your audience. Time to set a date. 

 

3) Show up and present the material: Hope some people show up and do an AMAZING job. 

 

This would take you less than 72 hours to do. Now, as you've read this one of two things has happened. You've immediately realised all of your 'lack of equipment stories' are actually just excuses and you're now ready to start taking action immediately OR the much more likely outcome is you're feeling blocked by FEAR about doing those steps

 

This my friend is your challenge.

 

It's not a lack of resources or because of your government, it's because of FEAR. That fear is coming from a lack of belief in yourself. This is an emotional problem for you, this isn't an analytical one. You don't need to read more books, get more resources or learn anything else - you need to focus on doing and believing. 

 

You need to focus my friend. The reason you come up with so many ideas but don't execute on any of them is because if you started executing you would have to confront your fear and that's obviously scary so you move away from it. That stops today. 

 

I want you to focus on ONE idea - the one you feel the MOST passionate about and we are going to focus on that idea and that idea ONLY until you've made it work. You need to find a reason to do something that is greater than the fear that is stopping you. I still feel fear doing things, sometimes before a big meeting I can get a little nervous. But I care so deeply about the work that I do that I CARE MORE THAN I FEAR. This is the secret BD4.

 

No more new ideas. No more excuses. Just daily action. You'll fail to take action more times than you do, it'll be hard and you'll have to force yourself a lot, but as long as you KEEP TRYING AND DON'T GIVE UP you will build your hustle muscle and it will get easier and easier for you to do. I've been EXACTLY where you've been. I used to be all ideas and no action and I've trained myself to be here and you can get here too. 

 

The other thing I'd suggest is don't tell anyone about your new plan and idea. We do this to safeguard your new belief and to make sure that you're not slacking off because other people tell you how cool your ideas are which means you never really want to actually create them. You need to focus on MOMENTUM BD4 - nothing else matters for you right now. Each day set a goal and work towards it and focus on how you're getting better not on what you're not achieving. 

 

Speaking of that new belief: you build it by brainwashing yourself each and every day. The same way that you have to exercise daily to get the body you want, you have to exercise daily to get the mind that you want.

 

You need to start focusing on what you HAVE DONE, who YOU ARE and what YOU WILL DO rather than the opposite. Each and EVERY SINGLE DAY you need to write out with a pen and paper why you should believe in yourself, why you should be confident, why you should be grateful for yourself. Sometimes it might take you 5 minutes to come up with an answer but just keep trying.

 

Eventually you notice you start feeling better 1 day out of 3. Focus on that one day, focus on the bright spots and eventually that one day will become 2/3 and then eventually 3/3. It just takes doing the fucking work. 

 

Tactics

 

1) Move. Your body and your emotional mind worked together to run our lives for 2 million years before your analytical brain came along. They are so good at working together that they are ONE. Healthy body, energetic body and you'll have a healthy mind and energetic mind. You need to GET UP AND MOVE. 5x per week do SOMETHING FUN and physical that makes you sweat like the police are chasing you.

 

2) Start small. Focus on writing one paragraph a day. Focus on emailing one facebook group per day. Start small so you can build momentum and then you'll start focusing on creating more of that momentum. 

 

3) Change your environment. This is an emotional problem for you and your emotions are like a big powerful elephant. They do what they want. But you can control them by placing the elephant in particular environments. If your elephant wants ice cream but it's physically impossible to find, then you've outsmarted your elephant.

 

You need to get yourself around people who are the type of people you want to be. If you do that your elephant will start thinking like them and so you'll start doing what they do. Change your environment to break this pattern of thinking. 

 

4) Experiment and test. There is no failure if you just think you're building experiments BD4. If you conduct a TEST to see if people will show up to a speech of yours and no one shows up then you didn't fail, your test just didn't work. I've spoken to a room of 4 people before - one of whom was my girlfriend. It sucked as I thought there would be 20 but I still did it and kept trying. I didn't fail - I just tested. I learned and moved forward. Do the same. 

 

That's it BD4.

 

I want to emphasise to you that you can do this. The life that you dream of can be yours. It's there and you have it in you. Don't ever doubt that. You just need to focus on growing at all costs. Focus on and find that spark inside yourself and then figure out how to bring it into the world every day. It's going to be hard and confusing but eventually it'll start clicking and making sense. You just need to DO and KEEP DOING until it works. 

 

I'll be here if you need it, 

 

MJ

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